the Life and Times of Miss Madison

Have you ever had your heart ripped out from you?   You meet someone wonderful and he is just as you always hope he would be, but you have this lingering feeling that is also too good to be true? I have.  It was not that he ripped my heart like in  a way of him cheating on me. It was the realization that he is not what he seems to be. I met him a dating website and I have checked him out at Spokeo.com according to his email address. He was legit as far as I was concerned so we  emailed each other for several days  and telling each other how much we mean to each other. So what went wrong? I did a lot more researching then I liked. I went to places like  http://www.romance.scam.com  and other websites like that. There I saw what I did not want to see.  I even searched him out on Facebook and thought oh no! He is from Ghana (Although I was wrong about that). I did not want to believe he was a scam artist, but what can I do?  He writes lik...

Most recently I have been in  contact with a man whom I thought was Italian. I love Italian men but I never thought I would meet one. I met him at Christian Soulmate, a dating website. It has been awhile since anyone has contacted me  so when I got this message, I immediately liked him after looking at his profile. I failed to  see that his I's were "i"s --One tell tale sign of a scam artist. They are notorious for using lower case "i"s. His emails to me were sweet. He seemed the ideal man and he was Italian!  Or so I thought. I looked forward to them. The things he wrote didn't seem like what a scam artist would write, but I began to have questions. I did my research and things were adding up but still some things did not make sense. In light of all this, I wrote a poem. Twas the night before Christmas and deep in my thoughts,  I wonder if I will ever be found by my true love.             ...

It was over 17 yeas ago when I set my foot on the pavement of Washington State. God had sent me out like the spies he sent to investigate their promise land. I was like the 2 spies who came back full of faith saying, "We can do it!"  I was so full of faith and hope and I knew at last I would be free. Free of my father's house, free of my prison known as  Hanford, California! I was finally going to possess the land! However, I did not have much of a plan. I only had an Associate of Arts degree in Early Childhood Education and my only plan  was to be a teacher's aide somewhere. I figured God will lead me to that job... It did not turn out as I hope. My aunt had enough of me and told me she has called my father to come and take me home. The same one who said  that I did not give her choice as to whether I will come over or not, gave me no choice either.  I was not without hope. On August One of that year God made a promise and God always keeps his promise so I ho...

Two nights in a row. When will I break free? I am suppose to live victorious not defeated?  Last night I went to bed, ready to have a good night sleep because I didn't get one the night before.  It would be Sunday. The day when most pf my friends heads to church and hear a sermon. If I hear one, it would have to be on tv or the internet. Can't get to a good church.  I wanted to get back to my writings where I can get lost in it because  my own life could be much better  than it is now.  I can throw myself into my stories and not have a care.  It was my plan anyway, but... Why couldn't I go to sleep? I was almost there. I could feel my mind being at rest, but after my cat gave me love then left, I  was wide awake. I realized that the restlessness was back. Oh God No! I thought! I was too tired to make my legs submit to me.  I tried to take authority but my words  they come jumbled.  I  also took some Advil hoping it will work. ...

What is so hard to understand?  Why are people pressing me to go against my own conscience? I am talking about using  a taxi cab in which I have no peace.  Recently, I try to tell my friends  my situation. All I want is prayer  and not advice!  Yet when I open my mouth not one person can say the right thing like I will pray God will make a way for you."  I am putting my trust in him. IN GOD not in people not in taxi can drivers.  I never did trust them. I don't know why. I just don't. However, if God sends one to us, then it would be of him not on my own strength. My heart cries because people just don't see it! They don't just understand. How can they? The majority of them have transportation! They don't  have to  depend on a  taxi cab to take them, Can not God honor my prayer? Does he not speak to people's hearts or does he expect us to do it ourselves. "I provide you a cab, Ruthie. I have even told two of them to tell you, but yo...

 I have been battling a nervous condition of my legs called Restless Leg Syndrome. What it is is a sensation in your leg that causes your legs  wanting to move. Sometimes a relaxant like Advil  or other medicine  for it helps it to calm down, but most often in my case, I need strong intercessor. i had short victory  and now its back. I really did not feel like grocery shopping. To tell the truth, I didn't feel like doing anything. I had no energy to eat let alone shop. I asked Jesus to make sure  all the buses run in time, but maybe I should asked him which one I should take.  I had planned route 2 because it would be a  short trip to the transfer station, but the bus came  late and I ended up waiting 25r minutes for Route  6(which takes me to Walmart).  That 25 minutes seemed like an eternity to me. As I shopped, I asked God to help me remember all I needed to buy. He did. Not only that but I bought my favorite Energy drink and i...

As I was walking, I was angry. I had hoped that Californians had better sense than to vote for Romney but I come to realize that it is the media's fault for blinding them to the truth. Romney is just the same as Obama without the  label. They are both the same side of the coin. It is too bad they chose big government over freedom. When I heard that Ron Paul won in Washington State, I was so proud because I plan to move there. Now I wish I was there. Grant it that Obama or Romney wills till be president where  ever I live, the point is at least I live with the majority of republican voters who voted for a president who is not a Mormon. I was also mad that a few local candidates won. I guess people in my district would rather have someone who  isn't a known Christian.  Sigh. This state makes me sick. However as I walked, another thought came to my mind. A few years ago Romney lost to McCain and Obama got in. If Romney wins, it would seem to me that it is God's will an...

Jesus warned in the Bible that we should not  make plans for the next day because we do not know what the next day is like. We should not even put hopes in people who say, "they will" when we don't even know if they can, An example: In January, I announced that Marge was out.  A handful of well meaning friends says,  "I can order it the next month!"  February came and the same friends that says "They will, now says "I can't."  It has been out since January and already I think they have forgotten.  Another example is when another friend kept saying I will be able to see her in April. I could not in March because of her car. Now that she got a new car, I wait patiently then find out that it is not up to her but to her mom. You see on both instances I put my hopes in what they say and guess what? Nothing came about. We should not even say anything. One of my favorite sayings is "No promises." That lets the other person know  that things...

Several months ago, I wanted to do something about my life. I had hopes  and dreams and I thought why not get active.  I joined a single's group and met people older than me and hardly a man there, but I continued to go. They are wonderful people, but I have found that the main reason why they meet is to discuss the next Saturday's Agenda.  I knew I would not fit in. All of them have some sort of income. I do not. I get  some money but by the time I tithe  buy catfood and  bus fare, I also have to save up so it leaves me  with nothing. They all have cars. I do not.  Although I can easily walk there, I would need a ride during the winter hours because its dark. I never got one single ride which reminds me of the church I used to go. I may drop out all together. I missed the last meeting because I got busy.   In December, I wanted to read to children. I thought it would be a great way to connect to them, but hat fizzed out too because of roadbl...

I went to the Bookbuddies meeting one last time  last Monday. It was not going well with me. I couldn't sit there anymore watching them sign up. It was never my desire to sit out on he sidelines. I wanted to be involved but there was too much "red tape" if you want to call it that.  Why couldn't they give me the application in January or December? I really think it was  working against me.  Back then, Natalie did not come out with the idea of having a  volunteer orientation. When I entered the library and approached the front desk, a man told me I have to call the children's librarian and so I did. He  never gave  me an application.   When I emailed her, she never responded by saying you may have to  go fill out an application and go through an interview process before you can come to the book buddies meeting. She responded by telling me when and what time it begins. So my thought was: "All I have to do is come to the book buddies meetings. ...

 I have always wanted to feel useful and so last year in December, I had a desire to volunteer to read to children.  I  did not think I would come across  roadblocks, but I did.  It began when I entered the library and asked about  reading to children: Roadblock number 1: (Which really wasn't) I had to call the  person in charge or email her which I did.  The real first roadblock was when I went to their book buddies meeting and  after going through the announcements and all,  Jennifer tells me I should shadow others to  see how it goes and get the feel of it.  I had no problem with it and I was willing to wait til March to sign up. Didn't happen.  The next month, I received a call from her telling me I needed to go to the volunteer orientation meeting which took two hours of my time from my family  and fill out an application.  I thought fine but it meant  I couldn't read to children in march: another roa...

Serving on Jury Duty is  our civic duty yet it is also  an inconvenience for some.. Some of us have jobs  to go to and so if we go, we don't get paid for that  day. It can also a hardship like it was for me. I tried to go with a positive attitude at one time, but after suffering through the blaring Tv and sitting in the jury deliberation room, I was no longer positive. I also don't care to sit through the whole selection process although it wasn't so bad yesterday because it was a different judge. The only problem was, I did not get enough sleep and so I was tired. As I entered the deliberation room, I sat in  chair in the way back. I figured, the farther away from the tv the better. It had worked because as far as I was concern my right ear was still plugged some and so I could hardly hear it. The problem was, there was these two men talking to each other in front of me and that was as bad as the tv going on. I could not wait for the commissioner  to be...

I sit at my desk wondering what to do. I am unhappy with my life and tired of the endless goals in the games I play on Facebook. My book which has  been out since January hasn't been sold much and as I pray, I ask God, should I just give a tenth?  Both Matthew, Luke and Mark wrote the account of the four soils Jesus taught to the people and as I ponder that I wonder if I should  not give more than a tenth since it was obvious that Jesus said what the seed is--The Word of God. There is nothing wrong with giving. In fact Paul quoted Jesus's words not recorded in the gospel, " It is more blessed  to give than to receive."  What you give is the question. You can give your time or your talent if you don't have money. People give of their time and talents  by volunteering.  In the book of Deuteronomy, Moses directed the people to give according to how God has blessed you. I don't feel very blessed. I have given to ministries and have not received anything ...

I have been writing stories for awhile  especially since my first book is out and  I hope that people will order Marge. Becoming an author has always been a dream and it has come to pass.  One genre I have always been interested in is Mysteries and I decided to have my own series called  The Serena Madison Files. I have one completed and ready to be submitted but this time I decided to go in search of agents.  After I found one and I copied and pasted chapter 1, I had forgotten to save it on my word proc and therefore as a result I am missing four pages.  I was prepared to send a chapter to another agent when I found that out.  I could never rewrite anything the way it was written in the first place so I decided to see if I copied and pasted it as a note on Facebook. Sure enough I did, but the question is: How many pages are Chapter 1? I sent several pages to Northern Lights  Literary Agency hoping that was Chapter 1. Now I am wondering if I shoul...

If you are like me, you think you know you deserve better!  People say you shouldn't  ask for. Your whole life has been a  struggle. Your parents or one of your parents has put you outside God's perfect will and so you live a less than normal life.  Some may say, "How do you know  that you are not where God wants you.?" I know that He  doesn't want us to struggle.  WE are only suppose to labor until his rest.  Toiling is because of the curse and not the under the curse because Christ has redeemed  me from the curse of the Law. Yes I do deserve better! And so do you who have lived with parents  who didn't provide the best for you. Our Heavenly father is a perfect example of how our earthly father should be and our heavenly father gives good and perfect gifts! God will make up more than enough for what you should have gotten. My life   has been very difficult and I have struggled everyday to succeed, Maybe I missed something, but...

I am sure glad my Heavenly father is not a God of Chaos.  He orders everything the way he planned it. It  has not been that way for me.  Just recently, our toilet overflowed every time its flushed. None of us are plumbers so none of us knows what to do but send a friend a message to help us.  Problem is he wasn't on FB and we could not wait. We decided to go out and try the Chicken McBites at McDonalds so that we could use their restrooms. Some restaurants don't like you using them without paying for something. After  we returned home, we still had the problem. We thought maybe call a plumber but  with my mom's money, it was postponed. Thank God for Wisdom! My sister is the one  who tries to fix household problems so God gave her the wisdom to handle our plumbing problem---use the vacuum cleaner to vacuum the water in the septic tank and it has worked. You see James wrote that if we need wisdom  we should ask him for it without doubting.  Pro...

I need to blow some steam. I have found out something I do not like about Social Networks--memorializing and making someone BIG.  Don't get me wrong. I think Tim Tebow is great because God gave him success. I have told my friends how they feel  and they don't just get it. Have they always been a Tebow fan  or  did they  just become his fan when they heard he was a Christian?   It was a hard week for me or even month! Day after Day and night after night, I see "TEBOW!" "TEBOW!" and so forth! Enough to make me a gag. And now the death of... You guessed it. Whitney has been graced with a beautiful voice but one wonders if someone who loves the Lord so much why was she ravaged with drugs?  You can also guessed that I am also not a big fan of her or her music and now I have to suffer through videos and links being posted as well as  many status updates. I guess there isn't anything  good to  talk about it is there? If I  didn't need to ...

I am an up and coming author and  I have one book published but it is not enough. I know it cost money to create your own website so I am at lost as to what to do.  I heard so much  about wordpress.com  but I am close to cancelling my account there. Why? Because something doesn't feel right. I know that if I want to have all the benefits I have to pay and I don't have the money. So what do I? I know what I should have done  and that is to pray. Because when I do that, I know that I will have peace. Lord, forgive me for not seeking you. More than that, forgive me  for not trusting you enough that my book will sell big!  I think that is what I am most scared about because what if it don't sell big?  I can hear the Lord say to me, "Where is your faith?" I guess I am like Peter walking on the water. As soon as I  lose focus, I start to lose faith. Lord, help me keep my eyes on you! I blog here because its free. I blog at wordpress because I know...

My father wasn't the most pleasant person to live. He was cheap, stingy, selfish and greedy, but one thing I can say about him being around, the house was kept in order. My sister lived according to what he expected because she was the one  who cleaned the house. In order to  make him happy (Because he saw her as nothing else), she  did a good job of keeping the house clean. One other thing is I have seen that I am somewhat like him--It bugs me when the house isn't cleaned and since he died, we have lived like slobs.  It isn't  that we like  living in a  house not clean or kept tidy. My sister has been burnt out. She felt unappreciated by all she did so when he died, so did the willingness to keep the house on an up and up. You may ask, why don't you do it, but she will not have it and say "I'll get to it!" Sometimes I have to keep asking her  when she will do the wash. All our dirty clothes  lie in a pile I calla  mountain and all my c...

I wish I was gifted enough to write a well written mystery from a first person point of view but as I have researched about writing a mystery using the 1st person POV, I had already broken one rule and that is the overuse of the pronoun I. I had no idea that was not a good idea.  Two sources says that I need to get into their head and show   my readers what she or he is feeling and experiencing. I say to my Lord, "Jesus, this is way over my head and I really want to do this!" Have you ever felt that way? I have and I can hear a voice telling me "You can't do it!"  The cry of my heart is  to have a mentor who can help me every step of the way.  I feel alone in this because most of my  writing friends, have developed their craft. I have only written and published one story and it was written from the third person of view. As I go to bed tonight, I will commit it into His hands and trust his timing. I had a dream this morning and maybe it applies: I was riding...

I have always loved mysteries and guessing who did it! One of my favorite Mystery Authors  was Agatha Christie, esp the Herecule  Perot series.  I haven't read a good one in a long time and began reading people I would never thought reading--Mary Higgins Clark and one I never heard of--Joanna Fluke. Both were  seasonal books  and I really needed a book not based around the holidays. I found at the Library a book called The Way of The Guilty... I have already written a  fifty page mystery which I hope an agent will see it as a Christian Mystery and it  is not based  from a first person point of view. It is called "Serena's Surprise" because  she finds out who is  involved is more than just a criminal.  I decided after completing that one that I would try another Serena Madison story but this time based from another person's point of view--First Person.  I did not know I  should avoid using "I" as much as possible because ...

There is so much fear and dread these days and especially from God's people! Why is that? If you read through the Bible you will see the number of times he has kept them safe. Is he any different now  than he was then? He should not be because God is the same yesterday and tomorrow. He never changes!  This is too much talk about  about the sharia law. You know what? God is bigger than that If you read the early chapters of Exodus, you will find out that  God is sovereign-- He can work in the lives of people who does not know him or fear him while at the same time protecting his people! His people were set apart from the Egyptians while he poured out his judgments on Egypt!  The only time he allowed evil to come upon his people is when they forget to obey his voice and go their own way.  Look at the book  of Judges! God had warned them what would happen if they did not heed his voice and  they went with their own plans. It  was written that th...

Marge came from a family that didn't have high income and whose family was dysfunctional at best. Many families today are dysfunctional.  The father is a deadbeat. alcoholic or just not there. His heart is wondering, wishing for bachelorhood again. My own father wasn't alcoholic, but he wished for bachelorhood again. He married my mother only because he hope to gain her money. After marriage, he tried many ways and times to get her money but she had a wise sister in law.  My father didn't know how to be one either except he knew he had a family to provide, He told me once that my mother wnated children meaning it wasn't his desire. I knew that  by how he invested into our lives.  When I enrolled into a 4 years college, he intended to get interested by loaning the money to me, but his plan failed when the year 2000 came rolling around. His records of how much he lent me was  lost in his database.  In the gospels, Jesus was telling  the  people...

  I have a cat I don't like. He is demanding and selfish all the time and very rarely show any real love to me. It is like he has forgotten all I have  done for him through the darkest times of his life. Aren't we humans like that to their loving creator?  In fact, if you read through the book of Judges, you will find a cycle of sin ---> consequences---> oppression----> cry for help. They could have been spared all this if they remembered the laws and statues, and commands that God has given them.  If they would remember  the  blessings and curses that were  announced. God wants so much to protect his  people because outside of  his protection, all  kinds of evil could happen to them.  Henry had all kinds of evil happen to him. My father had some bad spirits that if Henry got near him, spent time in any place my father spend his time in, those spirits would get a hold of him and cause Henry to be oppressed, but like the lo...

Thursday afternoon and I am sitting at my desk playing games on Facebook when I should be doing something else. I look at the modem because I don't trust it. Off and on it disconnects and I am not up to  doing it all over again.  It could be the weather and not  my modem because it is January and not July. Only about 6 months and two days til my birthday( Off the subject) and I will be 45. No big deal. I have been writing stories since I was a young  lady mainly for the purpose of escape and Marge is the best yet!  Marge  was pretty much happy with her life although one could tell  that she was also miserable.  Dressed up as someone not important and not attractive to date, she  types away at her keyboards because writing  makes her happy. She has  one failed marriage and two failed relationships,  and one object of her adoration wants to make her his. He is non other  than Donavan  Tradeau, a French man and  tra...

January 13, 2012.  Two days after I have found out from my friend and also author Michelle that my book was finally published.  I have prayed it would not take 6-8 months. I asked for God's favor and I got it or so I thought.  It  is my first time to  have a book published and therefore I am new at all that is expected. When I told Michelle  about my prayer being answered, she bursted my bubble: "Yes, it took me  six weeks too to get my first book published." Oh well My life has changed since she told me and even posted on my wall that my book is for sale now. Wow! I am finally an author! Do I feel any different? Some. Now I have questions. How do I begin to let people know. I am rather shy at talking to people on phones and I also do not know when I should do it (have a book signing event) If it is true that I might have to"supply" the books, I need to get  them at a discount. I also need to call Barnes and Noble and see if they will let me do...