Being Myself

Two nights in a row. When will I break free? I am suppose to live victorious not defeated?  Last night I went to bed, ready to have a good night sleep because I didn't get one the night before.  It would be Sunday. The day when most pf my friends heads to church and hear a sermon. If I hear one, it would have to be on tv or the internet. Can't get to a good church.  I wanted to get back to my writings where I can get lost in it because  my own life could be much better  than it is now.  I can throw myself into my stories and not have a care.  It was my plan anyway, but...
Why couldn't I go to sleep? I was almost there. I could feel my mind being at rest, but after my cat gave me love then left, I  was wide awake. I realized that the restlessness was back. Oh God No! I thought! I was too tired to make my legs submit to me.  I tried to take authority but my words  they come jumbled.  I  also took some Advil hoping it will work. It did not.
For years I had suffered with restless legs, but I didn't have this  problem when I went to college  or before. It began after I came home. Most of the time it was a spiritual attack  because of my father. Maybe no one fasted for me because Jesus said about why the disciples couldn't drive out some demons, it comes by fasting and praying. People prayed, but did they fast?  I never read in the Bible that Paul told his illness to go away nor did I read Peter do that, but Jesus said we have authority over snakes and demons.
After my father dies, I hope I would finally have rest, but not so. I have  nights when I sleep well and nights I don't like good and bad days.  I wish I slept good every  night. This morning, I wondered if I would go to church if I  did have a way.  I can't  keep awake so a sermon might put me to sleep. What a bummer!  All the plans I had for today shot!  What is worse is I can't  even take a nap. I would lie awake and if I I didn't fall asleep, my mind would wonder  so I read from my kindle.