the Life and Times of Miss Madison

In all my life, I never thought I would become a substitute teacher. I didn't know I enrolled in a teaching class so I can gain disrespect from students, but it turned out that way. Sure. there were students who liked me as a sub, but when the teacher is away, surely the mice will play? Well, at least try to get away with it. I follow the lesson plan, and they question what I have for them. "Teacher always let us..." or  "She fives us fewer assignments..." and so forth. But I also had good days  when the students work quietly and not question the plan. Maybe familiarity bred contempt. "Oh, it's Miss Derby again." (Miss Derby is my legal last name as opposed to Miss Madison). Maybe they think they can get away with what they want because I lack power with them. Whatever the case may be, I'm coming to the end of myself. So why am I subbing? I had the education and the degree. All I needed was to finally pass the teacher's exam called CBEST(Ca...

  As a substitute teacher, I need God's grace in my life, but sometimes when He gives it, I don't see it working as I like. An instance would be if I accepted a job assignment ahead of time, thinking I would have a good night sleep and I would be ready for the day. I could never go online and cancel it if something comes up, but I could call in sick or something (which I rarely do.) On the morning of the assignment, I go ready to face a class of precocious students who would like to test me to my limits. This is when I need his grace. I want God to step in and silence the lions. However, it doesn't happen. The Bible says that His strength is made perfect in weakness. Weakness is inability or powerlessness. I felt I had no power when it comes to these students. They are like the demons that haunts me in my dreams. When God gives us the authority, it seems as there is no power with it and they render me speechless. Perhaps the demons represents little children who challenge m...

  When I was a young woman, I thought about my life. I needed to decide what I wanted to do with my life.  I have lived in the city all my life (although not a big city like Los Angeles). I remember swinging on a swing at a school and it came to me that I liked children yet I didn't think teaching was in my dna. I'm not a leader. I'm a follower so I set my course to get the education I needed to become a teacher's assistant. However after I completed a 3 unit course called Child Care Aide, I learned I needed 12 ECE units. I had to go to a junior college and get my AA. One thing lead to another. To make it short, all doors to that position had closed and I had no other recourse, but to aim higher and that's when trouble began. I had returned home from trying to find a teaching aide job in Washington State. I stared out applying for admission at a couple of colleges (one a university and one a college), but problems surfaced. Fresno State University kept asking for my...

I wish that people would understand what it is like in a social setting. Many think an introvert can change, but just like a leopard can't change his spots, neither can I change who or what I am. And people overlook it or even dismiss it. Introverts aren't anti-social, but they like their alone time and they feel lost in a crowd or awkward. I group of in a family of introverts. Both my parents were socially awkward. My father was a loner most of his life and he got lost in his own world. Having a family to care for wasn't easy.. He grew up during the time of depression and I learned that his own father considered him a dreamer. At my father's memorial, my aunt shared about a time when he would go off to be alone, to find himself. And my mother? She grew up without parents. My grandmother died as the stress caught up with her for taking care of grandpa had weaken her immunity and the flu that laid dormant in her body woke. So for all my mom's and uncle's life, th...

It always seems that Hanford isn't where my sister and I belong. My father planted us here because his mother grew up here and went to church here. In fact, we had went to the same church she went to until he allowed my mother to leave the church because she wasn't happy. He wanted my sister and I to attend  the same high school--it wasn't God's perfect will. My sister and I were pretty much treated as outcasts. The children made fun of us and even my own best friend made fun of us too. We just didn't fit in. We didn't have very many friends--in fact we only had one. I often wondered what life would be like if my dad granted my mother's request to put us in Christian schools. Growing up, I didn't want that, but looking back, I wish I did although it wouldn't make any difference. Finding jobs were difficult for us, especially for my sister. While I was blessed somewhat to have a few short time jobs, no one gave my sister even a chance of an interv...

Through out our lives, we gain friends and we lose them. We began making them at school We find someone who shares our interest, who can make us laugh and someone we confide in without the fear of  being judged. If we go to church, we make friends there or when we go to work. Just like a couple clicks, so do friends. In my own life, my very first friend was much like me: We were different but not in the same way. She was different because of her skin color. Her  father was a native American while her mother had German heritage yet was  a North American. I was different for other reasons yet this made us friends. She was the only friend I had. Through her, I learn what friend are or do and through her I also assumed that everyone should have one friend. That at least was the pattern in my own life. Many years later, I changed for the better while she grew more worldly. I am in no way a recluse although I may seem like one. I continue to have just one friend--actually I h...

As I am staying yo to usher the new year, I reflect back on this past year. It is hard to believe that in a years time I had published three books--although one is a rewrite--actually two were. I remember earlier this year how I wanted out of the contract with my publisher. My book was filled with formatting issues and grammar errors and no one left me a good review. However, my sister came upon a windfall called educational refund and she paid for me to get rights back. Marge was my book but I renamed it and rewrote it. I also paid to have an editor to help with the manuscript. Several months later A Second Chance at Love was published. I couldn't be happier, but the happiness didn't last. Hardly anyone bought my book and gave me good reviews. As of this day it still stands with only two. What is worst some of my author friends  criticized my book saying there are too many point of views and there were questions about this and that. Sigh. Another one of my book has been revamp...

My heart continues to have an outpouring of gratitude every day.  Every day,  I am seeing that my dreams are slowly coming to pass. Never in all my life, have I seen God's goodness to me until this year. Although in the past, He has been good, I just have failed to see it. Over a year ago, Kenneth Copeland received from the Lord the prophecy about this year. He said that 2013 is the year of Great Grace. Normally, I would believe and receive it but it never came to pass for me. Now at this point, some of you may shake your head and stopped reading. You will be thinking, "That is because he is a false teacher." Don't stop reading. God has worked in my life more so this year that I can see, but in ways I have never expected. For many years, I have asked God to please do something about this bulge in my body. Due to my ignorance, I thought it was just muscles so I asked him to remove it. Meanwhile, I have suffered several medical problems not knowing it was related to...

I have written about my pre-hysterectomy experiences and how I found out I had developed a non cancerous tumor that gave me several problems with my health. If I had known this 15 years ago, I could have applied for SSI. Truth be told, I didn't have internet to find out that Iron Deficiency Anemia could qualify me for the benefits until 15 years later. So what do I do?  I did what I could and  now after 3 months of seeing I qualified, it isn't because I had anemia, but because I didn't work many years on a job. True, but the jobs I had was brief not of my doing--some were temporary and not meant to last a long time. I had three jobs, but one of them I chose to just receive cash. In that year, I wasn't thinking of my future. I wasn't yet 30 (the age where the Tumor is present in a woman's body) I didn't have internet then either.  It is hard to explain why I didn't work those 15 years--most of the years, I had suffered with restless legs and kept me fro...