The Value or Devalue of Friends
Through out our lives, we gain friends and we lose them. We began making them at school We find someone who shares our interest, who can make us laugh and someone we confide in without the fear of being judged. If we go to church, we make friends there or when we go to work. Just like a couple clicks, so do friends. In my own life, my very first friend was much like me: We were different but not in the same way. She was different because of her skin color. Her father was a native American while her mother had German heritage yet was a North American. I was different for other reasons yet this made us friends. She was the only friend I had. Through her, I learn what friend are or do and through her I also assumed that everyone should have one friend. That at least was the pattern in my own life. Many years later, I changed for the better while she grew more worldly.
I am in no way a recluse although I may seem like one. I continue to have just one friend--actually I had two but it's not like where you are at school. I made friends with a woman while going to a Baptist church and later I made friends with a woman in a chat room who turned out to live nearby. The one from church had a family of her own: a husband and three kids so they (next to God) were his priorities. If we did anything together, it was either going to Camp Sugar Pine or going to Morgan Hill with her. My other friend, allowed me to come over to her house once a week. She had two sons already young adults and lived with only her husband. Sometimes we go out and do something together and we went to church together.
I made friends while I was in college but I could be no one's best friend--they already had friends from previous times so I couldn't be theirs. I have learned from this that it's okay to have more than one friend but you can only have one best friend. And I was jealous! I wanted a best friend! Thank God, he sent me Karen, but she was no longer my friend because she moved.
So here I am with no best friends and over 700 friends! How did I get so many friends? By being on Facebook. Once you join Facebook, you look for people you went to school with, work with or church with. I started looking for college friends and one of them was Heather Ramsey Nichols. Although she already had a best friend (sigh) She was my friend. I am blessed to have her in my life. Heather invited me to play games on Facebook and this also led me to look for people who played those games. So my friend's list grew. I got introduced more games and accumulated more friends. These friends were just "neighbors"--people who will play a game but may not have anything else in common. Then there are "add me" groups and other groups I have joined.
I accumulated friends and this leads me to one conclusion: After reading their comments on my statuses and posts, it is best to weigh in the benefits and cons of these people who adds you. For example: Suppose you accept a friend request from someone you have four friends with? Two of those friends you like a lot and the other two are okay. After sometime this process repeats itself and it turns out you have lots of friends with the same four people. Suddenly you are friends with twenty of that one friend's friends. (Am I making sense? LOL) I or you weren't being choosy. You saw nothing wrong with having the same circle of friends until you post something that revealed the person they really are. You start to think: If that person is like that, are her other friends in common he same way? It gets you think that for now, you shouldn't accept friends based on that fact you just happen to be friends with other people you are friends with. The lesson? Although one should only accept friends if you have mutual friends, consider their friends. I am thinking: Be cautious.
A personal example: It was March and although I refused to believe that my online boyfriend was married, my sister saw my former friend but her friend post on the wall that he was married. I have this belief that my friends' don't want me to be happy and be married so I get annoyed. Eventually her constant posting as worn me out and I listen to the advice or suggestion of someone who is like an outsider. I even allow her to snoop on his wife's wall. Meanwhile a woman adds me as friends and we have four friends in common. Now I should have deleted that request but instead after I accept, I tell her my situation because she asked. Immediately she judged me a sinner. Why? Because she sees me as the one who knew he was married and yet I carried on with him. I was the hurt! As my friend said to me, "You were naive!" I should have unfriended her then because she had no right to judge me. But I didn't. Since then it seemed like she looked for opportunity to "point me in he right direction." Finally I had it with her and deleted her as friend.
There are scriptures that points to the value of friendship; "As iron sharpen iron, so a man his friend." (Prv 27:17). Solom wrote about he Value of friends in the book of Ecclesiastes. But to what point do we draw the line? Shouldn't we accept one who is different from us? If our friends are going to even judge people we value and respect because they believe differently, then maybe they aren't friends? I have made friends with people from different denominations but we respect each other. Jesus said that we are all one in Him no matter what church we go to. He want us to live in unity but if a friend is going to tell what they believe according to what they were taught is wrong, should we allow them to change us? Should we put up with it?
To where do we draw the line? How is telling me or anyone we are judgmental sharpening us? We can never change a person by our words. Only God does that, but you can pray and if God agrees, he will work in that person.
Yes, for now on I'm selective. I don't need the stress in my life.
I am in no way a recluse although I may seem like one. I continue to have just one friend--actually I had two but it's not like where you are at school. I made friends with a woman while going to a Baptist church and later I made friends with a woman in a chat room who turned out to live nearby. The one from church had a family of her own: a husband and three kids so they (next to God) were his priorities. If we did anything together, it was either going to Camp Sugar Pine or going to Morgan Hill with her. My other friend, allowed me to come over to her house once a week. She had two sons already young adults and lived with only her husband. Sometimes we go out and do something together and we went to church together.
I made friends while I was in college but I could be no one's best friend--they already had friends from previous times so I couldn't be theirs. I have learned from this that it's okay to have more than one friend but you can only have one best friend. And I was jealous! I wanted a best friend! Thank God, he sent me Karen, but she was no longer my friend because she moved.
So here I am with no best friends and over 700 friends! How did I get so many friends? By being on Facebook. Once you join Facebook, you look for people you went to school with, work with or church with. I started looking for college friends and one of them was Heather Ramsey Nichols. Although she already had a best friend (sigh) She was my friend. I am blessed to have her in my life. Heather invited me to play games on Facebook and this also led me to look for people who played those games. So my friend's list grew. I got introduced more games and accumulated more friends. These friends were just "neighbors"--people who will play a game but may not have anything else in common. Then there are "add me" groups and other groups I have joined.
I accumulated friends and this leads me to one conclusion: After reading their comments on my statuses and posts, it is best to weigh in the benefits and cons of these people who adds you. For example: Suppose you accept a friend request from someone you have four friends with? Two of those friends you like a lot and the other two are okay. After sometime this process repeats itself and it turns out you have lots of friends with the same four people. Suddenly you are friends with twenty of that one friend's friends. (Am I making sense? LOL) I or you weren't being choosy. You saw nothing wrong with having the same circle of friends until you post something that revealed the person they really are. You start to think: If that person is like that, are her other friends in common he same way? It gets you think that for now, you shouldn't accept friends based on that fact you just happen to be friends with other people you are friends with. The lesson? Although one should only accept friends if you have mutual friends, consider their friends. I am thinking: Be cautious.
A personal example: It was March and although I refused to believe that my online boyfriend was married, my sister saw my former friend but her friend post on the wall that he was married. I have this belief that my friends' don't want me to be happy and be married so I get annoyed. Eventually her constant posting as worn me out and I listen to the advice or suggestion of someone who is like an outsider. I even allow her to snoop on his wife's wall. Meanwhile a woman adds me as friends and we have four friends in common. Now I should have deleted that request but instead after I accept, I tell her my situation because she asked. Immediately she judged me a sinner. Why? Because she sees me as the one who knew he was married and yet I carried on with him. I was the hurt! As my friend said to me, "You were naive!" I should have unfriended her then because she had no right to judge me. But I didn't. Since then it seemed like she looked for opportunity to "point me in he right direction." Finally I had it with her and deleted her as friend.
There are scriptures that points to the value of friendship; "As iron sharpen iron, so a man his friend." (Prv 27:17). Solom wrote about he Value of friends in the book of Ecclesiastes. But to what point do we draw the line? Shouldn't we accept one who is different from us? If our friends are going to even judge people we value and respect because they believe differently, then maybe they aren't friends? I have made friends with people from different denominations but we respect each other. Jesus said that we are all one in Him no matter what church we go to. He want us to live in unity but if a friend is going to tell what they believe according to what they were taught is wrong, should we allow them to change us? Should we put up with it?
To where do we draw the line? How is telling me or anyone we are judgmental sharpening us? We can never change a person by our words. Only God does that, but you can pray and if God agrees, he will work in that person.
Yes, for now on I'm selective. I don't need the stress in my life.
Comments
Post a Comment