A Place to Call Home
It always seems that Hanford isn't where my sister and I belong. My father planted us here because his mother grew up here and went to church here. In fact, we had went to the same church she went to until he allowed my mother to leave the church because she wasn't happy. He wanted my sister and I to attend the same high school--it wasn't God's perfect will.
My sister and I were pretty much treated as outcasts. The children made fun of us and even my own best friend made fun of us too. We just didn't fit in. We didn't have very many friends--in fact we only had one. I often wondered what life would be like if my dad granted my mother's request to put us in Christian schools. Growing up, I didn't want that, but looking back, I wish I did although it wouldn't make any difference.
Finding jobs were difficult for us, especially for my sister. While I was blessed somewhat to have a few short time jobs, no one gave my sister even a chance of an interview. My father saw my sister has the eight years old she used to be and treated her worst than a slave. A slave would get fair wages while my sister got paid very little for the work she did around the house and no sick leave. I guess you can say he was like a kind of pharaoh. But I'm not putting my father down. This isn't what my blog about. In fact, I've forgiven him for the ways he treated us. I love my father and can't wait to see him again when Jesus takes us home. The blog is about wanting to belong.
We went to several churches. In my dad's church, the three of us were treated as we were outcasts too. Again the sense of not belonging or fitting in. After my father let us leave his church, my mother took us to charismatic churches, but after I graduated from high school, I became the black sheep of the family. Although I had a relationship with Jesus, it wasn't a close one--my Christian life was worldly. If you have heard the term like father like son, think of it as like father like daughter--I rebelled. I lived my life the way I wanted. I allowed my best friend to influenced me in a bad way. I didn't do drugs or committed a crime, but I had listened to music my family disagreed with and watch programs that were questionable. I did commit a crime against my family: stealing. I used to steal money from my father and used it to buy magazines and other things they wouldn't agree to. I also used profanity. But I repented of that and promised to clean up my words.
In 1995, that all changed. After not being able to get a job, I prayed and asked God if I should go to Washington State. I never asked permission first. I just assume my aunt would be glad to have me. Besides, she could have said no. I didn't see it at that time, but I realized that God allowed em to go there to prune me. My best friend had just started getting more into books about witches and witchcraft when I was just happy reading about vampires. So after praying about it, I felt God said yes and made plans to move to WA. During that time, I thought that God had planted a seed in my heart--I had fallen in love with the state. Maybe that was the problem. Instead of falling in love with Jesus, I fell in love with something that wasn't God. Two months later, after finding no jobs, my aunt sent me home.
My three months stay in WA. wasn't a waste for in my time of loneliness God had brought me closer to him. I slowly stopped listening to music that offends my family because I couldn't find any good stations plus I knew it would offend my aunt. (A few years before she had visited my family and during that time asked me to pray to see what God wanted me to do with the posters on my wall). When I came home, I was still listening to the music, but one thing for sure, I had no desire to reconnect with my former friend. I was on the other side.
My life completely changed after I listened to Billye Brim and Gloria Copeland about living a holy life. I made a decision to never to watch anything that would offend God. Along with that was a verse I read that spoke to me: "But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you." Those two together is what changed me. I wanted to live a holy life., pleasing to God. in 2002, I recommitted my life to Jesus.
Over the years, I still feel as if I don't belong here. Yes, I know my true home is in heaven, but what about a place I can call my own? I have no close friends because every friend I had made, I cut off ties or they moved. When I started going to church on my own, the friends I made were close until I stopped attending. I had one best friend who I had met in a chat room and we were like bosom buddies. Although of different denominations, we connected with each other. When she left her church and attended another, she invited me to go to the church that wasn't too far from where I live--I went because she went. We attended another church sometime later and I made friends there, and so forth.
Now years after my father passed, I wondered why I am still here.I'm unable to teach because I didn't pass the exit interview and the essay part of the CBEST (California Basic Educational Skills Test). I went to a four years college to get my BA in liberal studies so I can teach. After all, I thought that was what God had called me to do. I wouldn't put myself in debt for nothing. Except for one semester I have gotten mostly A's and B's. So why couldn't I past that hurdle? Is it because I don't belong in California?
My family and I attend another church because it was my mother's dream to attend that church. She remembered that church like I remembered First Baptist after I stopped attending church for awhile. Perhaps we could make friends. Yet again, the friends we had made, had moved or gone to another church and these were the people who provide rides for us! We had to trust God because we had just become members. We spoke to the pastor and they were glad to find rides for us--except one problem and this breaks my heart. What about Sunday evening services or anything else going on at he church? My mother is in her third or fourth stage of Alzheimer and church is all she lives for. She wants to go to church every day and attend every service, but does anyone care? Does anyone even noticed how we are limited? Those who take us in the morning, don't take us at night except for maybe a couple of them. And when we do attend something like a drop by service where some refreshment is served, people much rather sit with their own group of friends then join us. I have friends who tell me to reach out to them. It seems to me when I do, they give me the impression that they aren't interested in talking to us or getting to know us. In fact, 95% of all members do not even know what Elizabeth and I do. What would they think if I told them I am an author. I remember one day while we were at an evening service, the pastor came by our pew and said to me that he didn't know he had an author in church! Only few people knows that, the staff included. I felt honored last year about this time when my pastor stopped by my book signing! So my beef against the staff! It's the people! How many of the people visited me after I had my surgery? Only one--no two but one is in HI.
My sister told me that the church we are going to is our transitional church. There is no ministry that fits our needs-- we are in our mid to late forties and single. The church is very family/kid oriented. We serve in ministries that are secondary to our real desire. I said this before that at the churches I formerly attended, I was able to serve in the children's ministry, but where I attend now, there is no need. The best I could do was become a moppet every first and third Fridays. What is a moppet? It is a volunteer who watched children from ages 0-5 while their mommies get ministered to.
Since last year, the Lord gave me a new desire that replaces Washington yet I told the Lord, if he ever wanted me to return to WA., I will. The new desire is Montana. my series is set in MT and even though I had a desire to marry a high quality Christian School Teacher, I now want to marry a rancher. It would be nice to exchange my city life for a country life.
My sister and I were pretty much treated as outcasts. The children made fun of us and even my own best friend made fun of us too. We just didn't fit in. We didn't have very many friends--in fact we only had one. I often wondered what life would be like if my dad granted my mother's request to put us in Christian schools. Growing up, I didn't want that, but looking back, I wish I did although it wouldn't make any difference.
Finding jobs were difficult for us, especially for my sister. While I was blessed somewhat to have a few short time jobs, no one gave my sister even a chance of an interview. My father saw my sister has the eight years old she used to be and treated her worst than a slave. A slave would get fair wages while my sister got paid very little for the work she did around the house and no sick leave. I guess you can say he was like a kind of pharaoh. But I'm not putting my father down. This isn't what my blog about. In fact, I've forgiven him for the ways he treated us. I love my father and can't wait to see him again when Jesus takes us home. The blog is about wanting to belong.
We went to several churches. In my dad's church, the three of us were treated as we were outcasts too. Again the sense of not belonging or fitting in. After my father let us leave his church, my mother took us to charismatic churches, but after I graduated from high school, I became the black sheep of the family. Although I had a relationship with Jesus, it wasn't a close one--my Christian life was worldly. If you have heard the term like father like son, think of it as like father like daughter--I rebelled. I lived my life the way I wanted. I allowed my best friend to influenced me in a bad way. I didn't do drugs or committed a crime, but I had listened to music my family disagreed with and watch programs that were questionable. I did commit a crime against my family: stealing. I used to steal money from my father and used it to buy magazines and other things they wouldn't agree to. I also used profanity. But I repented of that and promised to clean up my words.
In 1995, that all changed. After not being able to get a job, I prayed and asked God if I should go to Washington State. I never asked permission first. I just assume my aunt would be glad to have me. Besides, she could have said no. I didn't see it at that time, but I realized that God allowed em to go there to prune me. My best friend had just started getting more into books about witches and witchcraft when I was just happy reading about vampires. So after praying about it, I felt God said yes and made plans to move to WA. During that time, I thought that God had planted a seed in my heart--I had fallen in love with the state. Maybe that was the problem. Instead of falling in love with Jesus, I fell in love with something that wasn't God. Two months later, after finding no jobs, my aunt sent me home.
My three months stay in WA. wasn't a waste for in my time of loneliness God had brought me closer to him. I slowly stopped listening to music that offends my family because I couldn't find any good stations plus I knew it would offend my aunt. (A few years before she had visited my family and during that time asked me to pray to see what God wanted me to do with the posters on my wall). When I came home, I was still listening to the music, but one thing for sure, I had no desire to reconnect with my former friend. I was on the other side.
My life completely changed after I listened to Billye Brim and Gloria Copeland about living a holy life. I made a decision to never to watch anything that would offend God. Along with that was a verse I read that spoke to me: "But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you." Those two together is what changed me. I wanted to live a holy life., pleasing to God. in 2002, I recommitted my life to Jesus.
Over the years, I still feel as if I don't belong here. Yes, I know my true home is in heaven, but what about a place I can call my own? I have no close friends because every friend I had made, I cut off ties or they moved. When I started going to church on my own, the friends I made were close until I stopped attending. I had one best friend who I had met in a chat room and we were like bosom buddies. Although of different denominations, we connected with each other. When she left her church and attended another, she invited me to go to the church that wasn't too far from where I live--I went because she went. We attended another church sometime later and I made friends there, and so forth.
Now years after my father passed, I wondered why I am still here.I'm unable to teach because I didn't pass the exit interview and the essay part of the CBEST (California Basic Educational Skills Test). I went to a four years college to get my BA in liberal studies so I can teach. After all, I thought that was what God had called me to do. I wouldn't put myself in debt for nothing. Except for one semester I have gotten mostly A's and B's. So why couldn't I past that hurdle? Is it because I don't belong in California?
My family and I attend another church because it was my mother's dream to attend that church. She remembered that church like I remembered First Baptist after I stopped attending church for awhile. Perhaps we could make friends. Yet again, the friends we had made, had moved or gone to another church and these were the people who provide rides for us! We had to trust God because we had just become members. We spoke to the pastor and they were glad to find rides for us--except one problem and this breaks my heart. What about Sunday evening services or anything else going on at he church? My mother is in her third or fourth stage of Alzheimer and church is all she lives for. She wants to go to church every day and attend every service, but does anyone care? Does anyone even noticed how we are limited? Those who take us in the morning, don't take us at night except for maybe a couple of them. And when we do attend something like a drop by service where some refreshment is served, people much rather sit with their own group of friends then join us. I have friends who tell me to reach out to them. It seems to me when I do, they give me the impression that they aren't interested in talking to us or getting to know us. In fact, 95% of all members do not even know what Elizabeth and I do. What would they think if I told them I am an author. I remember one day while we were at an evening service, the pastor came by our pew and said to me that he didn't know he had an author in church! Only few people knows that, the staff included. I felt honored last year about this time when my pastor stopped by my book signing! So my beef against the staff! It's the people! How many of the people visited me after I had my surgery? Only one--no two but one is in HI.
My sister told me that the church we are going to is our transitional church. There is no ministry that fits our needs-- we are in our mid to late forties and single. The church is very family/kid oriented. We serve in ministries that are secondary to our real desire. I said this before that at the churches I formerly attended, I was able to serve in the children's ministry, but where I attend now, there is no need. The best I could do was become a moppet every first and third Fridays. What is a moppet? It is a volunteer who watched children from ages 0-5 while their mommies get ministered to.
Since last year, the Lord gave me a new desire that replaces Washington yet I told the Lord, if he ever wanted me to return to WA., I will. The new desire is Montana. my series is set in MT and even though I had a desire to marry a high quality Christian School Teacher, I now want to marry a rancher. It would be nice to exchange my city life for a country life.
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