The Princess Syndrome--Ruthie's Version
A thought occurred to me that maybe I was going through a Princess Syndrome, but I looked it up and found it wasn't me. At least to my knowledge it's not. The reason why I thought that after my surgery, after having the tumor removed, I saw for two reason myself as a princess. 1) I had lost weight and was able to wear the dress I have always wanted to wear since I bought it. I looked good in it! It made me feel beautiful. 2) In the support group I was in, the hospital was referred to the castle and those of us who had a hysterectomy considered themselves a princess.
After my Hysterectomy, I was somewhat spoiled. Since I couldn't do much during my recovery, I was waited on. I didn't have to go shopping, I didn't have to do the dishes or any work. All I needed to do was rest and take it easy. But I knew it wouldn't last. I began desiring someone to take care of me and since I felt like a princess, I wanted a prince. No not a real life prince like Prince Harry or Prince William, but someone who would treat me like his princess. I remembered a song from snow white and thought it was perfect since I believed my prince will come. If I just continued to believe that instead of settling for a counterfeit...
The devil knew this and he is the master at counterfeit. He is a thief and nothing he has belongs to him. But he is also a deceiver and he deceived me.
In late October, a thought was planted in my head and I took it from the Lord. If I had paid attention to the manner of the thought, I would have known that God would not pose a question to me. The thought was "Is he the one?" I am referring to Mark Aurand was one of my Facebook friends. God would not ask me that because God would know unless God was testing me and I was not aware of it. I decided to see if he was available before I jump into a "relationship" with him.
Satan knew I desired to have a man tell me he loves me and that I needed a man to make me feel beautiful. Mark was that man but only in words. You see, he lives in another state yet I believed everything told me. I also ignored the warnings. I have come to the conclusion why I didn't want to believe or listen to my friends: The truth would hurt. It would take away everything I had felt about myself, everything he said that made me feel loved and beautiful. I am a woman of high morals. If Mark had told em the truth about his marital status, I would have spared myself the pain and hurt and we could still be friends just like I am with my other friends. No harm gained.
I wanted to know why I couldn't be content being single. Besides the fact that I have been single all my life, I wanted a man in my life. I wanted to have a family too. The Lord told me one day that he would give me the man of my dreams if I make Him my desire. But because I was still hurting, it wasn't easy. I already have a hard time knowing in my heart that God as my father would supply all my needs because I haven't seen all them supplied. I began to wonder if I was seeing Him the same way I saw my own father: unwillingness to provide. Maybe I am still lacking in my faith. As the one man said to Jesus, "Help thou my unbelief!" So how can I desire God if all my needs aren't met? How can I desire God if all his promises he has made aren't fulfilled yet? Then it came to me: I need for Him to tell me He loves me just as a wife needs to hear her husband that he loves her! I also need to hear God tell me that I am beautiful. Providing for my emotional needs!
I need to feel like His princess and I have been thinking of ordering a used copy of that book called "His Princess." Then maybe after I have it in my heart and mind that I am truly a princess, I won't need to have a man tell me that. I will desire God more and more. His Word says if you delight yourself in the Lord, He will give you the desires of your Heart. Right now my heart's desire is to feel fulfilled as a woman in all sense of the word.
After my Hysterectomy, I was somewhat spoiled. Since I couldn't do much during my recovery, I was waited on. I didn't have to go shopping, I didn't have to do the dishes or any work. All I needed to do was rest and take it easy. But I knew it wouldn't last. I began desiring someone to take care of me and since I felt like a princess, I wanted a prince. No not a real life prince like Prince Harry or Prince William, but someone who would treat me like his princess. I remembered a song from snow white and thought it was perfect since I believed my prince will come. If I just continued to believe that instead of settling for a counterfeit...
The devil knew this and he is the master at counterfeit. He is a thief and nothing he has belongs to him. But he is also a deceiver and he deceived me.
In late October, a thought was planted in my head and I took it from the Lord. If I had paid attention to the manner of the thought, I would have known that God would not pose a question to me. The thought was "Is he the one?" I am referring to Mark Aurand was one of my Facebook friends. God would not ask me that because God would know unless God was testing me and I was not aware of it. I decided to see if he was available before I jump into a "relationship" with him.
Satan knew I desired to have a man tell me he loves me and that I needed a man to make me feel beautiful. Mark was that man but only in words. You see, he lives in another state yet I believed everything told me. I also ignored the warnings. I have come to the conclusion why I didn't want to believe or listen to my friends: The truth would hurt. It would take away everything I had felt about myself, everything he said that made me feel loved and beautiful. I am a woman of high morals. If Mark had told em the truth about his marital status, I would have spared myself the pain and hurt and we could still be friends just like I am with my other friends. No harm gained.
I wanted to know why I couldn't be content being single. Besides the fact that I have been single all my life, I wanted a man in my life. I wanted to have a family too. The Lord told me one day that he would give me the man of my dreams if I make Him my desire. But because I was still hurting, it wasn't easy. I already have a hard time knowing in my heart that God as my father would supply all my needs because I haven't seen all them supplied. I began to wonder if I was seeing Him the same way I saw my own father: unwillingness to provide. Maybe I am still lacking in my faith. As the one man said to Jesus, "Help thou my unbelief!" So how can I desire God if all my needs aren't met? How can I desire God if all his promises he has made aren't fulfilled yet? Then it came to me: I need for Him to tell me He loves me just as a wife needs to hear her husband that he loves her! I also need to hear God tell me that I am beautiful. Providing for my emotional needs!
I need to feel like His princess and I have been thinking of ordering a used copy of that book called "His Princess." Then maybe after I have it in my heart and mind that I am truly a princess, I won't need to have a man tell me that. I will desire God more and more. His Word says if you delight yourself in the Lord, He will give you the desires of your Heart. Right now my heart's desire is to feel fulfilled as a woman in all sense of the word.
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