The Curse
My faith is strong but lately it has been put through the wringer of sorts. Ever since I was a teenager, I had dreams like most female teens do: I dream of having a boyfriend by the time I am 17... Never happened. I dreamt I would marry by the time I was 25-- also never happened. I still had hopes and I still had faith that it was never too late. Even when I turned 40, I still believe that I could have my own family based on what I read in the Bible about women who had babies past childbearing age. You see, God is not limited and in His Word, it is written that God is the same yesterday, today and forever--He never changes so if Sarah, Rebekkah and Elizabeth had babies past 40 why not me?
At 45, I am facing the possibility of never having children of my own. I wish I had married at 25 because by the time I have my physical at 30 and my doctor says, "You have a fibroid tumor", it will not be too late to just remove the tumor. I could still have children. That is not the case. When I was 30, I was attending Fresno Pacific University. I had no insurance. (I couldn't qualify for Medi-Cal) I had problems with my monthly cycle (an embarrassing one) but I never thought of getting it checked. Also the tumor wouldn't be noticeable as it is now. After graduation, I still had no insurance and I couldn't research much because I didn't have internet access. I continued to suffer during my monthly. I suffered in other ways too but what could I do? Even if I was diagnosed, would my father pay for it?
In March of this year, after about 2 years my father passed away, I decided to apply for a job somewhere. On the application, it asked for when my last physical was and I knew I had to get one. The question was: Where can I go get one at low cost? I was still uninsured. I researched and found one such place called Family Healthcare Network. They have a sliding scale fee and I qualified to pay only 20 dollars for each visit.
At my first physical, as my doctor examined me, she noticed a hard lump on my Uterus. She asked about it. For years I thought it was just muscle from working out. However, she wanted me to have an ultrasound.
When the results came in, I found out that a foreign entity, an unwanted intruder had made itself at home in my Uterus. It is there because my ovaries were producing too much estrogen and this curse thrives on the estrogens my ovaries produced. What is this curse? It is called Fibroid Tumors. This curse is the connection or link to the problems I have been having and the bad news is, because it is the at the highest level of invasiveness, my Uterus can't be saved. In other words, I will be having an Abdominal Hysterectomy.
When the Surgeon told me that, I was angry! I hoped for just the tumor being removed, but because the tumor is so big, it would be impossible to remove it from my Vagina
Now I know that most in the medical profession does not believe in miracles. They will tell you what they know to be true and it is up to the person to believe that report or what God's Word says. I am a person of faith and I refuse to believe what the doctor told me no matter what it looks like. I believe that God can create a new Uterus in me if he so desires. It's also my understanding that if I would have a baby it is God's Will. The women in the Bible had babies in their old age because it was part of God's Plan. Sarah had a baby so that Abraham can be a father of many nations (It was through his descendants that the 12 tribes of Israel were formed and also so that the Christ can come) Elizabeth had a baby so that the prophesied Forerunner of Christ can come. There was one such case, an old lady was granted a baby and that was because of her kindness to the prophet Elisha. But what is my purpose? Time is short and Jesus is coming soon. If I was to have a baby at 47 (assuming I would be married by then), how much time would I have to be a mother?
I have committed all to the Lord. I don't know if I will ever marry. It seems that all my dreams and desires have fallen to the ground. Only one dream and desire Is till hold strongly to and that is the promise that I will return to Washington State.
At 45, I am facing the possibility of never having children of my own. I wish I had married at 25 because by the time I have my physical at 30 and my doctor says, "You have a fibroid tumor", it will not be too late to just remove the tumor. I could still have children. That is not the case. When I was 30, I was attending Fresno Pacific University. I had no insurance. (I couldn't qualify for Medi-Cal) I had problems with my monthly cycle (an embarrassing one) but I never thought of getting it checked. Also the tumor wouldn't be noticeable as it is now. After graduation, I still had no insurance and I couldn't research much because I didn't have internet access. I continued to suffer during my monthly. I suffered in other ways too but what could I do? Even if I was diagnosed, would my father pay for it?
In March of this year, after about 2 years my father passed away, I decided to apply for a job somewhere. On the application, it asked for when my last physical was and I knew I had to get one. The question was: Where can I go get one at low cost? I was still uninsured. I researched and found one such place called Family Healthcare Network. They have a sliding scale fee and I qualified to pay only 20 dollars for each visit.
At my first physical, as my doctor examined me, she noticed a hard lump on my Uterus. She asked about it. For years I thought it was just muscle from working out. However, she wanted me to have an ultrasound.
When the results came in, I found out that a foreign entity, an unwanted intruder had made itself at home in my Uterus. It is there because my ovaries were producing too much estrogen and this curse thrives on the estrogens my ovaries produced. What is this curse? It is called Fibroid Tumors. This curse is the connection or link to the problems I have been having and the bad news is, because it is the at the highest level of invasiveness, my Uterus can't be saved. In other words, I will be having an Abdominal Hysterectomy.
When the Surgeon told me that, I was angry! I hoped for just the tumor being removed, but because the tumor is so big, it would be impossible to remove it from my Vagina
Now I know that most in the medical profession does not believe in miracles. They will tell you what they know to be true and it is up to the person to believe that report or what God's Word says. I am a person of faith and I refuse to believe what the doctor told me no matter what it looks like. I believe that God can create a new Uterus in me if he so desires. It's also my understanding that if I would have a baby it is God's Will. The women in the Bible had babies in their old age because it was part of God's Plan. Sarah had a baby so that Abraham can be a father of many nations (It was through his descendants that the 12 tribes of Israel were formed and also so that the Christ can come) Elizabeth had a baby so that the prophesied Forerunner of Christ can come. There was one such case, an old lady was granted a baby and that was because of her kindness to the prophet Elisha. But what is my purpose? Time is short and Jesus is coming soon. If I was to have a baby at 47 (assuming I would be married by then), how much time would I have to be a mother?
I have committed all to the Lord. I don't know if I will ever marry. It seems that all my dreams and desires have fallen to the ground. Only one dream and desire Is till hold strongly to and that is the promise that I will return to Washington State.
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